Isaac.Eiland-Hall.com

Bill To Ban Fake Testicles, Vulgarity Dies – Automotive

Quote: Gonads and other doodads

How can you not enjoy an article that begins with the above?

AM 1220 - Oddities

Quote: A 24-year-old man called police to tell them he was trying to break into a church but he wasn’t having much luck. Police said the found the man waiting at St. Paul’s Lutheran church. The man told them he had hoped to be married in the church and was trying to use a metal shovel to break through the doors. He told them he figured they could help.

Yeah…

semissourian.com: Story: Police: woman with stun gun stripped during call about dog

Quote: A large dog that had been the cause of the animal complaint was also found at the apartment.

Uhm…

After you read this one, you’ll understand why I had to quote that bit… heh.

I really hope she gets some help—she needs it… Oy.

KC Bearifone teddy bear speakerphone – Engadget

Quote: [...] what is more pointless than a speakerphone shaped like a teddy bear? How about a bear-shaped phone that moves its mouth and eyes in response to a caller’s voice?

Uhhhh…..

Yeah.

Uhm.

Okay, so it’s a stuffed teddy bear, but it’s also a speakerphone.

Riiiight.

Peugeot

Quote: The Hoggar is far from being your normal concept car

Uh…

That is most certainly true.

What happens when you put auto designerd on acid and lock them in a room with pictures of the latest look-alike sports cars, and pictures of dune buggies?

This.

And let me tell you, it ain’t a purty sight. o.O

Swindlers Take $6,000 From Victim – Yahoo! News

Quote: The victim was asked to go to her bank with anothe man, withdraw $6,000 and give it to the suspect, and in turn she would receive the $8,000.

When the victim withdrew the money and gave it to the woman, the woman and the man left without giving the victim anything.

Duh?

I mean, really… You think you’re going to make $2000 because someone doesn’t like the serial numbers on money???

I am afraid for the human race…

BBspot – Geek Parents Using Cooling Technology Instead of Medicine to Lower Fevers

Quote: “I was working on my rig in the basement installing a new water-cooling system when my daughter came down with a 103 degree fever,” said Fernando Ferringer of coolingyourkids.com. “I knew we didn’t have any Tylenol, and that’s when I had a ‘Eureka’ moment.”

Awesome…

The site may have gotten too many hits, as I can’t load it… Just in case it comes back later, here’s a link (I haven’t seen it yet personally).....

You have to check out the article for the picture, if nothing else, though…

Niice.

(The “cool” tag really applies!)

Modbee.com207C20The20Modesto20Bee

Quote: The flowers appear white in regular light but emit an eerie green glow for several hours in the dark, FloraHolland BV said in a statement.

Weird.

Kinda cool.

But definitely weird.

witz.org: So that’s how Oprah keeps the weight off…

It’s just a picture… legit advertisement…. and yet, it explains soooo much… hehehehe

Excite News

Quote: Panorelli was with a client and had just bought some lumber when the client picked up the pencil sitting next to a cash register for Panorelli to use. Panorelli pocketed the pencil and was met in the parking lot by a worker who asked for identification.

The worker presented Panorelli with one letter saying he was banned from Home Depot, and another advising that he would be hearing from the company’s lawyers.

Look, I’ve worked crappy jobs in my time… and there are plenty of times that I would have loved to have banned an evil customer from the establishment—maybe even from the human race, come to that—but not over a pencil... Yeesh…

So much for common sense!

(Although the article notes Panorelli as saying he won’t be back, even after the Home Depot corporate apology… So he himself is not immune from stupidity… What more would he have them do? Give him a $100 gift card for his troubles? He did, after all, actually make off with the pencil- it’s not like they were arbitrarily going after him, merely overreacting a bit…)

Excite News

Quote: Police accidentally hit a naked man in the genitals with a Taser after he was caught breaking windows and asking women to touch him, authorities said.

Seems appropriate. Yet another reason not to resist police, mind…

BBC NEWS | UK | England | Gloucestershire | Bag snatcher knocks himself out

Quote: A man has been charged with robbery after allegedly snatching a woman’s handbag and then running into a wall and knocking himself out.

Ah, how loverly it must be when criminals catch themselves…

Excite News

Quote: The 20-year-old man was arrested on Saturday soon after he let himself into Santa Cruz County Sheriff’s Deputy Esther Beckman’s car while she was out of the vehicle questioning a bicyclist.

Ah… how lovely it must be when the criminals catch themselves…

Couple not fond of 666 license plate

Quote: Ken Hasenmueller and his wife have been feeling a little uncomfortable while in the family car. The car itself – a 1996 cherry red Oldsmobile Cutlass – is fine. It’s the license plate that’s the problem. They were randomly assigned 666-KEN.

Weird…. I think it’s weird about Ken getting a licence plate with his name on it…. heh.

Although I probably wouldn’t want that number as well—I wonder why the state hasn’t retired it… Surely they don’t allow “ASS” as three letters, so surely “666” would make that list….

Glowing meat OK to eat, agency insists

Uhm…

I can’t quote the whole article… but please go read it…

I don’t think I could bring myself to eat glowing meat, even if it is probably okay…

Boy, home alone, flees to roof to escape burglars

Quote: “I looked through the eyehole and I saw a weird guy dressed in all black with black sunglasses,” he said,

Boy, “home alone”; two thieves breaking and entering house… Sound like a plot to a bad movie? Hands on cheeks with muffled scream......... Ugh… Now that I’ve tortured you with that….. Oddly enough, it sorta happened in real life…

Weird…...

(Thankfully, the boy is fine…)

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Photo Gallery (Desert Meteor)

Quote: Claim: Video clip shows a meteorite striking a pickup truck in the desert.

Status: False.

Have I mentioned my love of Snopes on my blog yet? I don’t think I have… Snopes, for the uninitiated, is IMHO the best source of confirmation and debunking for urban myths, rumours, and various “ZOMG! I am teh forwardz0r to all my freindz0rz” crap…

I don’t know who believes things like the linked are true… but I didn’t happen to get this one from friends, so this gives a great chance to see it. heh…

wnbc.com – Family – Man One Piece Away From Completing Huge Jigsaw Puzzle

Quote: But there’s a problem. His dog may have eaten the last piece.

17,999 pieces down, one to go… o.O

I’ve mentioned this on the blog already, but I wanted to present you with a little teaser to encourage you to visit the site… I think it’s hilarious- it’s in my Daily links, because something new appears every few days…

I love this ongoing saga—it’s fun to read and realize how very different we (Japanese/Americans) are on many levels—but still, there are ways in which we are alike, even as the cultures are different. And there’s some darned funny stuff that has happened to this poor guy! Once you learn what a “kancho” is, you will NOT forget…

This is a link to the page you should bookmark, as opposed to the following link which points to the page the excerpt (well, okay, I quoted half of this one- sometimes they’re short, sometimes long) is from.

Outpost Nine :: Editorials :: I Am a Japanese School Teacher

Quote: In Japanese schools, bingo is a pretty popular game to play, especially among the younger students. Give them a blank grid, and let them fill in English words from a pre-selected list. Then read off the words in random order, and the first person to line up 4 or 5 words in a row is the winner. The winner gets stickers or extra class points or a tender loving kick to the ass, whatever strikes our fancy that day.

Me: You know, everytime we play bingo I always get a little weirded out…”b-ichi” sounds a lot like “bitch”.
Her: (thinking about it) .....Yeah, it does, doesn’t it!
Me: Yeah, so I can never get used to hearing that, especially from 12-year old Japanese kids.
Her: “Teacher, I’ve got a bitch!”
Me: “Double bitch!”
Her: “Triple bitch!” ...I told you Japan was fucked up, didn’t I?

Really- go check it out. Click that top link and be prepared to spend an hour catching up, then wishing you hadn’t, but knowing you couldn’t stop reading once you got started.

The VroomBox. – The Red Ferret Journal

Quote: VroomBox utilizes a powerful microprocessor to digitally recreate the sound of 15 different cars and fantasy vehicles, and play them through speakers under the car. It even includes special effects such as screeching tires and turbo blow-off valves that trigger automatically. And you can download more cars and effects from the web…the VroomBox monitors your engine’s RPM and load constantly, so when you step on the gas or shift gears, your new engine sound follows perfectly.

Sounds like an…. interesting idea. I suppose it might be cool if it works well, particularly if you have a nice, quiet engine… heh.

Okay, I admit it. If I could waste $160, like, literally burn it—yeah, I’d get one. Just because.

WCCO-TV – Minnesota’s Breaking News, Weather, Traffic and Sports: Police Shoot Man Who Drove Into Courthouse

Good grief!

The police shooting is almost an afterthought to the busy day of mahem this man caused… Yeesh.

Panel reduces officer’s suspension for quitting work early to have sex

Quote: In interviews with department investigators, Basney said the woman told him he was cute and offered to have sex with both him and Leslie.

Leslie declined, but Basney ended up asking to take the rest of his shift off as vacation time, as is allowed under department policy, and cited a personal matter.

Look, I realize that sometimes opportunity must knock, and one feels obligated to take advantage (a turn of phrase that sounds particularly apt here), but really—shouldn’t this have triggered his “Surely this is not a good idea” filter to go off?

Just because something is right there in front of you doesn’t mean it’s a good idea… Really.

Calif. Motorist Struck by Flying Deer – Yahoo! News

Quote: Motorist Robert Brooks thought he hit a deer. That is, until he got out of his car and the deer hit him.

A truly odd coincidence…

Beijing chooses Olympic mascots – Yahoo! News

Quote: The mascots are called “Beibei”, “Jingjing”, “Huanhuan”, “Yingying” and “Nini”, which together mean “Beijing welcomes you.”

Hey Beibei, hey beibei hey…..

What?

My only other comment is that I can’t think of any Olympic mascots that don’t look like they were designed by a committee on drugs…

The Original Dog Powered Scooter

Not a joke or gag… Rather a good idea, in fact—although maybe not a good transport to work, a nice lazy way to walk your dog, or maybe go `round to the corner store and grab an essential or two (not any serious groceries unless you have a couple of dogs, I’d think)....

Overall, pretty cool idea.